At Auricchio Resurrection Monuments, we are compassionate about being a conscientious provider of cemetery memorials on Long Island. We create custom repair cemetery monuments should anything damage it. We believe that the memories of our loved ones are truly precious. That is why we have created this blog post on how to deal with grief, not to push it away, but to honor it and your loved ones through remembering them.
Processing Grief and Paying Respects
Processing grief is more than just living your life in mourning and then one day waking up and not wanting to cry. In order to truly heal from the tragedy of a loved one’s death you need to experience it. Pushing the feelings away will not bring you peace, and forcibly forgetting your loved one and fighting off their memory doesn’t pay them the respect we know they deserve.
But how do you actually process grief and pay respect to your loved ones memory?
Write a Letter to your Loved One
Writing a letter to a loved one that has passed is a way for you to reconcile any unprocessed feelings, resolve any arguments, and connect to someone you miss so much.
For some it is helpful to imagine loved ones reading this letter in heaven or at their gravesite, or hovering above the writer as they write. By imagining them receiving it after their death, in the present time, you can be more free to really talk to them about what you are feeling now in all honesty—maybe you are mad that they’ve left you, or perhaps you are confused about something in the past some argument you want clarity on.
For others it is more helpful to write the letter and imagine that tomorrow they will receive it read it, and to respond to it as if they were still alive. This can enable you to write freely, as it is easier to write with the thought your words will be read, and for some it is difficult to imagine their loved one ‘beyond the grave.’
However you imagine them, alive, dead or otherwise, it is helpful to visualize your loved one hearing your words. Although they cannot actually answer you, you will be surprised by this meditative experience and how clarifying it can be. You will find answers, whether you’re finding the answers within yourself when you are quiet enough to ask and listen, or whether it is your loved one sending you the answers, that’s for you to know.
Don’t Throw It Away
Don’t throw the letter away–even if you feel you are done with it, that it’s been heard. Why? Because it is an important document, and if your loved one could hold it in their hands do you think they would simply walk over to their trashcan and get rid of it? No, they would cherish it. They would be thankful you are thinking of them, even if you were frustrated and angry they would know that they are also loved and appreciate that.
So what do you do with this letter? Here are a few ideas:
1. You can keep it for yourself, place it within the pages of the visitation book you had from the funeral, so that you can re-read it one day or at least know it is safe with other people’s messages to them.
2. Place it in a nice small box, such as a jewelry box, and bury it near your loved one’s gravesite. If that is not possible due to cemetery regulations you can also bury it on their property where they lived, at their favorite place, or in your own yard. The act of burying it can give you closure, especially if you buried your loved one, as you are connecting them to it.
If you prefer to have it closer to your loved one physically and are not permitted to bury it due to cemetery regulations, you can either incorporate a small box into the base of the cemetery monument or simply place the box by the headstone. However, if you are not fixing it in place you should be mindful of the possibility of it being removed, which is another reason why physically burying such an important object may be the best option.
3. You can seal it in an envelope and place it with your loved one’s things. Perhaps you kept a suitcase of objects from them, a piece of furniture, or a favorite book of theirs. One option is to place the letter within one of these objects that is significant to them, and therefore to you, resonating already with their memory.
4. If your loved one has been cremated, you can place the letter inside or behind the urn. This will place your thoughts close to them physically, and help give resolution to them.
How can Auricchio Monuments Help?
We at Auricchio Resurrection Monuments know that your loved one deserves our utmost respect, as do you who are grieving. That is why we always give 110% to our customers, mindful of their needs and desires in creating a custom designed headstone or repairing a loved one’s memorial.
You can come to us for your headstone repair needs, and we will provide a free estimate and determine the best plan of action to bring your loved one’s memorial back to its honorable vibrancy. For more information about our cemetery monument repair process click here or to read more about how we delicately do this, check out this article: “Headstone Repair on Long Island.”
We are here for you, by phone, email, or you can physically pay us a visit and visit our showroom located at 1300 Wellwood Avenue in West Babylon, NY 11704. Contact us by phone by calling 631-694-0940.